idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
