fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
