Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
