Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
