you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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