I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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