9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
