We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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