theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
