I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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