Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
