just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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