He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
