I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
