a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
