Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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