He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
