I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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