broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
