Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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