do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
