Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
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