She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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