official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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