All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
