he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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