I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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