I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
