when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
