the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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