haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
