Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
