I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
