There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
