i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
