My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
