Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
