Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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