if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Less talking, more tequila
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
