Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
