I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
