I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
