you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
