She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
