I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
