I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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