I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
