I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
