ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
