Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
