is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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