how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
