shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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