Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
