i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
