When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
