So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
