In the future we'll all be gay
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
