There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
